“I’m a strong advocate for including “experience” in the Sustainable Development Goals. Experience, often underestimated, has great potential to help people navigate tough situations. I call this underutilization “wastage of experiences.” While we say experience is the best teacher, I ask: Do we need to go through it ourselves, or can we learn from others? This motivates me to actively share my experiences.” — Temitope (2023)
“Approaching 35, I felt a mix of anxiety and pressure, considering it marked a decade since my fertility challenges began, including ovarian cysts and IVF treatments. The pressure stemmed from the perception that fertility declines after 35. These experiences fuel my initiative, aiming to instill hope in women. It’s important because, for some, one surgery may resolve their issues, which aren’t as complex as ours.” — Mo! (2023)
Disclaimer: We will discuss depression-related topics in this episode. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, please seek professional help immediately. You’re not alone, and support is available via our ongoing fertility project. We discuss the mental, physical, and emotional stress concerning miscarriages, infertility treatments, and negative social and environmental factors that contribute to the mental stress that accompanies going through infertility.
Prepare yourselves for an emotional rollercoaster because there’s an 80% chance that tears will flow freely in this episode! Welcome back to those who’ve been with us on this journey, and to our new listeners, we extend a warm welcome, hoping that this episode marks the beginning of a long and meaningful relationship. As you might already know, we have an ongoing fertility project to support and assist women and couples facing the challenges of infertility. Over the past week, we’ve taken significant steps to advance this mission by releasing episodes that offer support and encourage women to share their stories. For those interested in the intricate details of my 12-year fertility journey, please visit our website at www.mosibyl.com.
Today, we are honored to have Mrs. Temitope Abiona with us, a valued friend and esteemed member of our fertility project's board. Temitope calls Minneapolis, Minnesota, her home, and during her standard 9-to-5 work hours, she excels as a certified Salesforce professional, a skilled project manager, and a dedicated entrepreneur. Her journey through life is complemented by her loving marriage to her husband, Seun, a commitment that has been unwavering since 2011. Beyond that, she wears many hats — from being a versatile and well-connected individual to a talented baker. Most importantly, she describes herself as “a child of God.” Mrs. Abiona hails from a profoundly spiritual background, with her parents serving as pastors. She is the second of five children, born in Lagos, Nigeria, and she shares her unique journey from Lagos to Nasarawa State, Northern Nigeria, due to her mother’s government appointment. The sudden transformation into a “pastor’s daughter” unfolded when her parents began ministry in their living room.
In this episode, we delve into her educational background and career path. Mrs. Abiona recounts her initial interest in fashion design, which she couldn’t pursue due to her mother’s opposition. She briefly attended a polytechnic in Maiduguri for a year but found the extreme hot weather unbearable. Eventually, she embarked on a journey through computer school before completing her university education and earning her bachelor’s degree. Before we dive into the heart of our conversation, we’d like to thank Olabimpe for introducing Mrs. Abiona to our community. We’re genuinely grateful for Mrs. Abiona’s willingness to engage in open discussions about fertility challenges on our show. Our dialogue begins with exploring the challenges and obstacles encountered in our respective infertility journeys, including our encounters with culturally insensitive medical practitioners. Mrs. Abiona and I openly share our experiences with surgeries that left us with no significant improvements.
She also takes us back to her early adulthood, recounting her “first painful incident” between her late teens and early twenties. She describes an alarming experience during her period at her mother’s workplace, where she noticed enormous clots of blood that wouldn’t pass through the drain. Frightened, she sought her mother’s attention, who, unable to accompany her, sent someone to confirm her observation. Fast-forward to her marriage in 2011, she faced excruciating pain accompanying her menstrual periods. By 2012, the pain was so unbearable that she believed she might faint. Her visits to the hospital during this period failed to yield a diagnosis. Though there was a brief period of relief between 2012 and February 2014, the pain resurfaced with greater intensity during the summer of 2014. These experiences intertwined with her difficulties conceiving, leading to numerous clinic visits with limited progress.
Her primary care provider prescribed a range of pain medications, including opioids. The emergency room (ER) became an unwelcome friend, and there was a moment when she was asked to return to the ER immediately after being discharged because they discovered “ovarian torsion.” During this part of the conversation, I also share my encounter with “ovarian torsion,” a condition that can only be addressed through surgery. Mrs. Abiona further details how endometriosis, diagnosed mainly through surgery, was discovered during the operation and the available treatment methods.
Our discussion delves deeply into Mrs. Abiona’s relentless search for solutions, during which she underwent surgery every year from 2015 to 2019. She reflects on the impact of these health issues on her life, particularly her work. She vividly narrates an incident at her workplace when she experienced severe pain during her monthly period. Struggling to return to her seat from the restroom, a concerned colleague noticed her condition. Upon confirmation that she was not okay, the medics were called, and her supervisor arranged for her to be transported via an ambulance. Throughout these challenging moments, she emphasizes her gratitude for not pretending to be strong despite her nature of independence.
Additionally, we briefly discuss my experience, highlighting the decline in egg quality after each surgery, information I was informed of for the first time in 2021 after over a decade of trying. This knowledge underscores my recommendation to friends and women, in general, to consider freezing their eggs if they are financially capable, as it can help mitigate unforeseen complications and stress. Mrs. Abiona and I also briefly touched on the importance of finding the right doctor and the option to change if you feel unheard or undervalued in your healthcare journey.
Our conversation circles back to infertility challenges as I recount my anxiety surrounding turning 35, primarily due to the reduced efficiency of eggs at that age. I seize the opportunity to shift our focus toward the primary goal of our project, which is to offer financial and emotional support to women navigating the fertility journey. I encourage them to consider egg freezing, emphasizing that “time is money,” and advocate for building a supportive community around them.
Curious about Mrs. Abiona’s motivation to join this project as a board member, she stresses the importance of adding “experience” to the list of sustainable development goals. She firmly believes that experiences are an asset for supporting people facing difficult times, which drives her intention to share her experiences. For Mrs. Abiona, opening up about her story and infertility experiences has been a liberating and validating experience. She passionately discusses her thorough quest for the best clinics to diagnose endometriosis, which led her to discover Mayo Clinic, a true saving grace on her journey despite its substantial cost. After a significant nine-hour surgery, the doctors found that she had “only an egg” remaining.
Mrs. Abiona candidly shares her mixed emotions during this revelation, expressing gratitude for her husband, who provided calming reassurance that deeply resonated with her. Throughout her story, she repeatedly underscores the importance of women paying close attention to their bodies, taking notes, and advocating for their health despite the inherent difficulties. In her parting words, Mrs. Abiona urges our Mosiblings to understand that while menstrual cramps are common during a period, intense pain during this time is not.
As our episode draws closer, Mrs. Abiona offers spiritual guidance, encouraging individuals to “trust God” and embrace their challenging journeys. She advises women to be kind to themselves, illustrated by an awkward interaction with a well-meaning but misguided friend who assumed her bloating and weight gain indicated pregnancy. In response, Mrs. Abiona advocates against unsolicited advice and underscores the importance of being mindful of the sensitivity surrounding fertility challenges. I also share some quick words of encouragement and advice to our audience, highlighting the uniqueness of everyone’s journey and emphasizing hope, trust in the process, and reliance on their community for support.
As we continue our “fertility journey,” we will share stories of women who have embraced motherhood and those who have not.
Until we meet again, I remain your devoted Mo!
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