“The key takeaway here is that the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, suffering, struggles and found their way out of those depths. And while the darkness of those places may fill up and be consuming at times, there’s still hope. So think about that side of recovery and then use that as a guide because there’s always hope, so find it, and then you’ll be the hope to somebody today! — Doc Ayomide (2023)
For me, it also involves a certain cynicism about the purpose of everything. However, it also brings a sense of empowerment. I no longer fuss over the trivial matters I used to worry excessively about. During those moments of despair, I think, “This isn’t a big deal, and I won’t let it consume me. — Mo! (2023)
Content Warning: This episode contains sensitive and potentially triggering elements. Viewer discretion is advised.
Joining us this week is a familiar face on the show, Doc Ayomide, a senior colleague and a close friend of mine. A warm welcome also goes out to our new listeners. Doc Ayomide, based in the UK, is a psychiatrist who previously served as a co-host on the podcast. We commence the episode with friendly exchanges and share detailed updates on recent developments in our lives. Additionally, we touch upon the prospect of meeting soon. Before we proceed further, we enjoy a delightful interaction with Arii, our studio producer. Oh, she’s so cute!
For those encountering the term “Dark Night Of The Soul” for the first time, it primarily serves as a spiritual term, though it also holds psychological significance. In a spiritual context, it represents a period or moment characterized by profound spiritual and psychological challenges intended to draw one closer to God. Doc Ayomide, while familiar with the term for some time, acknowledges the difficulty in explaining it comprehensively. He also notes that the term extends beyond religious contexts. However, he slightly disagrees with my definition, emphasizing that some individuals may never fully regain their faith and trust in God.
As we delve deeper into our discussion, we clarify that the concept of the “dark night” is not necessarily associated with guilt. Instead, it revolves around a temporary withdrawal of spiritual clarity from one’s faith, a condition that some may not fully recover from. We draw insights from an article shared by Doc Ayomide before the show, highlighting that while not synonymous with depression, the “dark night” often overlaps with it, as faith holds a symbolic and vital role in our lives.
Our conversation explores how spiritual resolution can profoundly affect relationships, beliefs, and an individual’s personality. I inquire about Doc Ayomide’s tendencies, particularly whether he withdraws from people or seeks a sense of community during such periods. This leads us into a discussion on assumptions, with Doc Ayomide emphasizing the significance of “core existential assumptions” — fundamental beliefs about life that cannot always be scientifically proven. He concludes this segment by noting that life’s betrayals can lead to questioning whom one can trust, extending this idea to spirituality, where doubt can unexpectedly emerge. Doc Ayomide suggests that this issue of spirituality goes beyond an existential crisis and tends to affect deeply spiritual individuals. I share my counter tendencies when facing despair, which involve focusing on other matters, seeking clarity, and choosing isolation as a protective measure. As we conclude this segment, we playfully discuss the use of the word “sorry.”
Transitioning to the “dark night phase,” I ask Doc Ayomide for pointers or strategies to cope with these “dark moments.” He outlines his approach, starting with discussing these feelings and then waiting them out. We delve into chronic suicidality, distinguishing between passive and active forms. Active suicidality involves attempts or plans to take one’s own life, while passive suicidality encompasses a desire for life to end, even without concrete plans. We briefly discuss this phenomenon in a spiritual context, referencing figures such as Elijah, Jeremiah, Paul, and other disciples in the Bible.
Doc Ayomide emphasizes that sometimes waiting it out can be the best approach for those struggling with chronic suicidality, as it can be beneficial. He also recommends socializing and connecting with others, even when it feels challenging, to prevent spiraling into despair. Additionally, he suggests reaching out to trusted individuals via text for support. I propose channeling one’s energy into helping others during such times. However, we acknowledge the difficulties associated with maintaining faith, which can be overwhelming.
Regarding depression, we discuss the “dark night” outside of a spiritual context. Doc Ayomide advises non-Christians facing dark moments to focus on getting through each day, as the future may seem uncertain in such moments. Drawing from a book Doc Ayomide mentioned earlier, I encourage those going through dark periods to serve as a source of hope and light for others, highlighting the importance of community support.
Our conversation extends to the dilemma of choosing between waiting it out and sinking into depression versus using medications. I share my experience with medication during dark moments, which was adequate but came with side effects, notably affecting my short-term memory and causing forgetfulness. Seeking professional advice from Doc Ayomide, we explore when it’s appropriate to consider medication versus talk therapy.
Before concluding, Doc Ayomide emphasizes the need for individuals to carefully assess their specific problems before opting for medication, considering potential side effects and trade-offs. We briefly discuss the concept of trade-offs as an integral part of life. Doc Ayomide underscores that even the most challenging medications can sometimes be better than none. He uses the metaphor of a deep well and a rope to symbolize medication, emphasizing that relying solely on effort can sometimes exacerbate depression or dark moments.
In closing, I emphasize the importance of hope and draw inspiration from a quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, encouraging our audience to maintain hope in the face of life’s challenges.
Doc Ayomide also offers valuable advice, urging people to look beyond the surface and recognize that even seemingly happy individuals may be concealing pain.
🅻🅸🅽🅺🆂:
Listen: https://bit.ly/DarkNightS2023
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