Reading widely and joyful mutual explorations are two things that have considerably helped my marriage, as it pertains to sex. While I will never publicly share the details of the latter in public, let me expand on the former. Like everything else that requires expertise, sex can be improved upon by knowledge seeking. And what better ways than with books? And there are plenty out there – some written from a Christian’s perspective and others not. But I believe with guidance, you can learn from any of these books. And it was crucial for us because as newly-weds, TDawg and I realized we had no idea what we were up against when it came to sex.
The first book that really helped us out was – Sheet Music by Kevin Leman.
This book was a gift from our marriage counselors during our premarital counseling and still remains one of my most prized possession, almost a decade later. The writer, Dr. Kevin Leman, wrote it to include ample tips on sexual intimacy for married people from a Christian psychologist’s perspective. There are many things I gleaned from the book, but his emphasis on sex being an all-day act stood out to me the most. Specifically, that sex is more than the act itself, but sensuality (a component of sex) can be achieved every day by couples implementing creative ways to communicate both inside and outside the bedroom (yes, even while doing the dishes and raising the toilet seats). And that couples can compose their own music, and when it comes to perfection, it can be as a beautiful symphony as the Songs of Songs. Yeah, the guy infused a lot of humor in this book.
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex - and How to Get It by Marty Klein.
This was really eye-opening. It broke down a lot of myths and misconceptions we generally have about sex. The author emphasizes the need to allow sex to happen, uninterrupted by our self-consciousness or judgments. He also said that three things are needed in sexual intelligence: information and knowledge, emotional skills which let you use that knowledge, and body awareness and comfort, which let you express yourself and your knowledge.
Sex and Money: Pleasures That Leave You Empty and Grace That Satisfies by Paul David Tripp
Wow! This book is a must-read for every believer out there and can be a great resource for parents and teenagers too. I am not new to Dr. Tripp’s books, in fact, I credit one of his books on marriage for helping save mine. The book is as honest as the author’s, and it exposes a lot of the problems we have with sex and money which really boils down to our ownership mentality. Mr. Tripp wrote this with gentle pastoral care but with a strong admonition for repentance and focusing on the saving grace of God. After all, our problems with sex and money aren’t because of sex and money, after all, these are good things. We are the ones who made idols out of sex and money. Dr. Tripp's book helps us reframe our minds on how to enjoy these things and not worship them.